Veronica-What Hurts the Most
by RogueMustangMare
Summary: Just a little one-shot about Veronica's thoughts and feelings after the accident that killed Cobalt; many thought of her as cold-hearted, but, what if she was more upset than everyone gave her credit for? Purely fan-made and the horses her parents looked at are completely of my own creation, please do not steal them.


"You're gonna have to go fast in order to beat his time," said Kristi, as Sammy finished his round on that flea-bag, Pepper.

"Don't worry, Cobalt can do this in his sleep," I replied, trying to sound confident. But, inside, I was a little nervous; what if Cobalt and I didn't beat Sammy? What if we failed?

_Nonsense, you're a diAngelo, you've had the best training that money could buy and you have the best horse at Pine Hollow; you will be great and you will show that stupid boy who the better rider is_ I scolded myself and I left Kristi to go get Cobalt who was tied to the fence. I buckled my riding helmet on, pulled the stirrups down, and untied my horse from the fence. "Just win this one for me boy," I whispered to him, before gathering my reins, slipping my left foot into the stirrup, and lifting myself onto his broad back.

Cobalt snorted, but stayed still like he was supposed to.

I tapped my heels against his sides and rode toward the entrance of the ring, which Sammy was now riding out of. "Nice round," I said, pretending to be nice.

"Thanks, but Pepper deserves all of the credit," he replied, patting the gelding's neck. Sammy was grinning from ear to ear and it almost made me wish that I had that kind of relationship with Cobalt.

_Stop thinking like that! You and Cobalt were meant for each other_ I said to myself, tersely. _Man, I've been hanging around here too much, I need to take a vacation for a while; perhaps I'll get Carole to take care of Cobalt and ride him for me._ I turned to Sammy with a smile on my face. "Too bad you did all of that for nothing; Cobalt can jump this in his sleep with me reading _The Hobbit_ on his back."

He snorted. "I doubt that, you have a tendency to go too fast, Veronica, and Max says that it will get you into trouble one day," he said. "And, besides, don't count your chickens just yet, you still have to ride the course," he adds. "Unless . . . you're scared."

I scoff. "Yeah . . . right . . . scared of what? You and that flea-bag of a horse? We'll see who's laughing when I beat your score," I said and urged Cobalt to trot into the ring.

It was then that I noticed how stiffly he was moving. _What's the matter with him? He's usually loose and supple_ I thought concerned that perhaps there was something wrong with him.

_Perhaps you should call it off and see Judy_ said a voice in my head.

But the idea of calling off the Jump-off brought a sense of dread at being called a coward and I quickly clamped down on the idea of calling off the Jump-off.

_He's fine and, besides, it's only twelve jumps, he can do this and we'll wipe that smirk off that stupid boy's face_ I thought, smiling at the prospect of showing Sammy that he could never be a part of the inner-circle of riders, no matter how hard he trained.

I urged Cobalt into a fast canter and aimed him toward the first jump; he cleared it and went for the second jump. As we rode the course, I kept him at a fast pace and only a couple of times did we touch a rail; but, thankfully, we didn't knock any down. But, while we rode, I could feel him start to breathe laboriously and his stride was choppy and uneven.

"Come on boy, we only have the combination left," I whispered to him, not wanting to lose the Jump-off.

He snorted and jumped the first two fences cleanly.

It was at the third fence that Cobalt hesitated to jump as I asked him to jump the fence. I don't know what made me do it, but I raised my crop in my right hand and I wracked him with it.

"Veronica, you're going too fast, pull him up!" cried Carole's voice, at the same moment Cobalt jumped the fence.

For a second, I thought we were going to make it, but, when Cobalt landed, his left foreleg gave out, and we fell to the ground; I rolled off his back, clutching my left arm as I felt a painful snap and a sharp pain fill my whole arm from my wrist to my shoulder.

"Ow!" I cried, trying to sit up, but feeling somewhat dizzy. I closed my eyes, waiting for the dizziness to leave.

"Veronica!" cried Kristi, along with several of the other riders.

"Cobalt! Oh no . . ." cried Carole's voice.

_Really, Carole? You care about that stupid horse when I'm lying here with a hurt arm_ I thought, wanting so badly to shout at Carole for caring more about horses than about me, when I opened my eyes to see where my horse was. What I saw made me gasp in alarm.

Cobalt was back on his feet, but he was favoring his left foreleg.

_Oh my God, please no! Please don't let him be injured too badly_ I prayed, trying to get unsteadily to my feet so that I could go over to him.

"Veronica don't move!" came Max's voice. "I called your parents, they're on their way."

"But Cobalt . . ." I began, but he interrupted me.

"He'll be fine, Dr. Judy is on her way now, and she'll take a look at him," he replied sternly, putting a firm but gentle hand on my right shoulder. "You on the other hand, need to be taken to the hospital," he adds, gently checking my arm. He began asking me questions and I answered them as quickly as I could, hoping that I would be allowed to go to my horse if I was good.

But it was not to be.

My parents arrived ten minutes later and, after they talked with Max about what had happened, Mum helped me up and walked with me away toward the parking lot where our SUV was parked. I turned around to face my father.

"Is he going to be all right, Daddy?" I asked, trying to hold back my tears, but I could feel them well up in my eyes.

"We'll see what the vet says and we'll go from there, but, for now, you need to get to the hospital," he said, motioning to my mother to take me away.

"Come on, darling," she said.

"But I want to stay with him!" I cried, trying to resist my mother, but she calmly put me in the SUV and went around to the driver's side. I turned around in my seat, trying to get a last glimpse of my horse, to make sure that he truly was all right, but my father blocked him from view.

My mother started the engine and drove off, heading down the driveway of Pine Hollow and toward the city.

It took us twenty minutes to reach the nearest hospital and, the whole time, I stayed silent and ignored my mother, even though she tried to start a conversation with me several times. I couldn't pay attention to anything she was saying, all I could think about was my horse and how it was my fault he had been injured in the first place.

_I knew something was wrong, oh . . . why didn't I listen to the warning signs_ I asked myself sternly, as Mum pulled into the hospital parking lot and parked the SUV in the nearest spot.

"Come on, let's go get that arm checked," she replied, getting out of the car.

I followed suit, not really paying attention to what was going on around me.

Three hours later, I was admitted into the hospital, had gone through a typical exam to find out if I was allergic to anything, and then I was admitted to a room to wait for the nurse to take me to x-rays. I hated the hospital gown they forced me to wear, as well as the damn bed I was laying on; but, according to the nurse, it would be a half-hour until I could go to X-ray and they wanted to scan my head and arm to make sure there wasn't something more serious going on with me.

Mum went out for a few minutes and came back with a stack of magazines for us to read; she had gotten a wide variety including horse magazines and fashion magazines.

Normally, I would go for the fashion magazines first, but, instead, I went for the first horse magazine I saw, _Horse Illustrated_. On the front cover there was a picture of a young female rider atop a black Thoroughbred horse, jumping a five foot oxer.

It suddenly dawned on me that, while I had the best training possible, I never really took an interest in my horse or my horse's well-fare. Seeing this young rider on her horse made me want to start riding as a possible career.

_When I get better and can go back to the stables, I will start looking after Cobalt_ I thought fiercely. _I'll learn all there is to know about Horse Care, Stable and Field Management, and how to truly ride. These past years have been wasted on only showing up two days a week for an hour of riding! If Cobalt can be spared, I'll bond with him and take care of him! I promise, God, if you do exist, I will change. Until he gets better, I'll learn to ride on the school horse Max assigns me and I'll take care of him every single day! I want to be like this rider and go to the Olympics with Cobalt!_

I opened the magazine and began reading each page, reading up on the story of the rider on the front cover. Her name was Blair Williams, she had been riding for six years and, like me, had come from a rich family who only paid for her riding, but showed no interest in learning everything there was to know about Horse Care and such. But then, one day, she had been in a riding accident and the horse she had been riding, had to be put down because of a broken leg. She had been devastated because she was to blame for the horse's death; if she hadn't acted so recklessly, she wouldn't have jumped a jump so fast and the horse would still be alive.

_That sounds like me, but . . . Cobalt is still alive. And, when we're both well enough to ride, I will train him to be a fantastic jumper and everyone will be proud of us_ I thought, picturing myself taking care of Cobalt and of us riding through the woods together. It took my mind off the pain in my arm and, soon, the nurse came back in to take me to X-rays.

As it turned out I had a broken arm, but, thankfully, no concussion or other serious head injury. While the technician was taking the pictures, I wondered what Judy was doing for Cobalt. Was she also taking pictures of his leg? Did he just have a strained tendon? If he did, it would only take a year for the tendon to heal; but, it would be during that year he and I would bond with each other and I'll be learning how to ride properly on the school horses.

_Heck, I'd even ride Patch if it came down to it_ I thought, as the nurse wheeled me back to my room and I began reading the rest of the horse magazines. _Just please, let Cobalt be okay._

The doctor came in and, after asking me how I felt and doing some examination, he talked with my mother. It sounded as though he wanted to keep me overnight just to be sure nothing else was wrong.

I hated the idea of being stuck in here, even for another hour. _I want to go see Cobalt now! Please let me leave_ I prayed, but Mum nodded in agreement and asked if she could stay the night. I tuned them out.

A half-hour after the doctor had left, Daddy came in, he didn't look too happy but, I chalked it up to the stress of the day.

"Is he all right, Daddy?" I asked quickly.

"What did the doctors say?" he asked Mum, completely ignoring me.

"She has a broken arm, but, other than that nothing serious thank God," she replied.

"Daddy . . ." I began, not understanding why he was ignoring me on purpose.

"Is she to stay overnight?" he asked.

"Daddy," I said, again, with no result.

"Yes, they want to keep her for observation," replied Mum.

"Daddy!" I shouted loudly, causing both of my parents to look up. "What is going on? How's Cobalt? Is he okay?"

He sighed and looked at my mum; a conversation seemed to pass between them and it was like he was asking her for help.

"What's going on?" I asked, starting to become scared. What was going on? Cobalt is all right, he has to be.

"Honey, I just came from Pine Hollow, Dr. Judy took some x-rays of Cobalt's leg and, unfortunately, the news wasn't good," he replied.

"What do you mean?" I asked, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Honey, Cobalt broke his cannon bone, even with surgery, no one would ever be able to ride him and, there was no guarantee that he would get better, even to be used as a pleasure horse," he explained.

"What?" I gasped, barely hearing what he saying as my body started shaking. "But . . . there has to be a way! There's always a way!"

"I'm afraid not this time, sweetheart," he replied. "There was only one choice left; we had to put him down."

"NO!" I cried, shocking both of my parents. "No, please you have to try to save him!" I add, as the tears fell from my eyes and down my face.

"Sweetie, there's nothing I can do, it's already been decided," he said as Mum came over to me and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

It was then that I realized what he said. _We had to put him down . . . it's already been decided._

"You mean . . . he's already . . . dead?" I asked between gasps.

My father nodded. "It happened an hour ago, the paperwork's already been signed and the report sent into the insurance company," he replied grimly.

I stared at him in shock. _Cobalt was dead! My horse was dead! I didn't even get to say good-bye to him! I didn't even tell him I was sorry for hurting him!_

"But, on the positive side, when your arm is feeling better and you're able to ride again, we can go shopping for a new horse for you!" he said cheerfully, trying to make me feel better.

I glared at him. "I don't want another horse! I want Cobalt back! He was mine and you didn't even let me say good-bye to him!" I cried.

"Honey, we had to decide what was best for the horse and we had to decide right then and there, there was no time," he said calmly.

"I HATE YOU!" I cried, hating the very sight of my own father. He was like a nightmare coming to tell me that I would never see my horse again; it was as if he'd killed Cobalt himself.

Mum pressed the call button behind my bed as I cried into her arms.

The nurse came in and my father spoke with her for a couple of minutes before she ran off and came back with a needle and inserted it into my arm. Next thing I knew, I was drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

Last thing I remember thinking was, _My horse is dead and it's my fault._

I was released from the hospital the next day with instructions to take it easy and to keep my arm in a cast. I don't remember much about that day because I spent it mainly in my room. I think Mrs. Reg called from Pine Hollow, asking how I was doing; Mum had talked to her and she told me that Max and everyone from Pine Hollow were going to be holding a memorial for Cobalt and asked if I could be there since he was my horse.

I muttered something along the lines of sure, and she left me alone after that. "I'm sorry boy," I whispered.

The day of the memorial was bright, sunny, and clear; it was the perfect day to go riding and, if the accident hadn't happened, I would have taken Cobalt out for a trail ride. We hadn't taken many except for the ones Max took us on and, I was regretting not spending more time with him.

Everyone was there, Carole held a bouquet of wild flowers and it made me angry that she got to lay them at the foot of the tree that represented Cobalt's memorial. Mrs. Reg and Max talked about Cobalt and how wonderful he was; I was trying to keep my tears from falling, since I didn't want to cry in front of everyone.

After the memorial, Max and Mrs. Reg walked back to the office, while the riders wandered off to do their own thing; only Carole and I remained and I found myself trying hard not to be the first to break the silence. We both knew Cobalt better than anyone; I was the owner, but she mainly took care of him.

Finally, I couldn't stand it much longer and I left, walking as fast as I could to where my parents waited by the SUV.

"How was the service, darling?" asked Mum.

"It was fine," I replied, getting into the backseat of the SUV.

My parents looked at each other with worried expressions but didn't say anything more until we had pulled out of Pine Hollow.

"Well I have some good news sweetheart," said Daddy.

"What?" I asked, wondering if this was somehow some complete and total nightmare that I was about to wake up from and could redo that whole entire day.

"The insurance company called and everything is in order, within a few days, we shall have the check from Cobalt's life insurance policy and we can begin looking for a new horse," he said cheerfully, hoping that I would be cheered up by him buying me another horse.

I stared out the window, not saying anything. Was I ready for a horse? When my parents had bought Cobalt it was because I had been whining about my pony, Princess.

"I'd say this time, we should get you a Warmblood, something to take your mind off Thoroughbreds for a while," he said, taking my silence as me being happy about having another horse.

"No," I said.

"Excuse me?" he asked confused by my one-word answer.

"I don't want another horse," I replied.

"Well what are you going to ride then? Not one of those stable nags that's for sure!" he said, putting the horses that Max owned down because of their imperfect breeding.

I shot him a glare. "If I had taken my riding more seriously, none of this would have happened!" I shouted. "Those horses, or stable nags as you call them, are there to teach riders how to ride properly! I refuse to own a horse until I've learned everything there is to know about horses!"

"Honey what else is there to know about horses? You go to Pine Hollow twice a week and you ride for an hour each time, what else could you possibly learn?" he asked.

"How to take care of the horse, about Stable and Field Management, how to actually ride wherever we go, instead of in a ring for starters," I replied.

"It's the stable hands' job to take care of the horse and do all of that other stuff," he said. "And I refuse to allow my daughter to do their job when they're being paid to do it."

"But that's not being a real rider," I replied, trying to make him see reason. "It was because of my recklessness that Cobalt died."

"No it was because Max didn't teach you properly," he said.

I stared at him. "What?" I asked, shocked that he would dare blame Max for my recklessness.

"You heard me, if he had taught you how to jump properly this would never have happened," he said and my mother nodded in agreement.

"You can't blame Max for something that I did!" I snapped. "I was the one riding Cobalt, not him!"

"Darling the thing of the matter is that when you are able to again, you will not be riding one of those stable nags, you will have your own horse and that is the end of the matter," he said sternly as he pulled up to our house.

"You can buy me a horse, but you can't make me ride it!" I snapped, jumping out of the SUV and ran into the house and up to my room. I slammed my door shut and threw myself down on to my bed, the tears falling freely. "Cobalt, please come back!"

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though_

_Goin' on with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again_

_I pretend I'm okay_

_But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away_

_And never knowin'_

_What could've been_

_And not seein' that lovin' you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

Time didn't seem to exist. All I could do was just walk around like I was on autopilot; I got up every morning, showered, got dressed, ate my three meals, and then went to bed. Kristi called a few times, but I never answered her calls; Mum tried taking me shopping, but I didn't act like my usual self.

I was mad. Mad at my father for killing my horse; mad at Sammy for agreeing to do that stupid Jump-off. But, most of all, I was mad at myself; I knew something was wrong, but I still forced Cobalt to jump the fences.

_What's worse is, I whipped him for hesitating to jump_ I thought, wanting so hard to take it all back.

Mum was worried, but my father didn't seem too concerned about my present state.

"She's still in a state of shock, but she'll soon get over it," he said. "After all, it was just a horse; tragic, yes, but he was still just a horse."

_He was not just a horse, he was the most beautiful horse in the world and I killed him_ I wanted to shout, but I couldn't seem to form the words.

A couple of weeks later, I got up and did my usual morning routine, but, when I went downstairs to join my parents for breakfast, I noticed that they seemed to be acting strange. They kept glancing at each other with huge smiles on their faces and my father looked really proud of himself.

"Sweetheart, after breakfast, the three of us are going to take a little trip," he said.

I just sighed and began nibbling on a slice of toast. _He p__robably thinks that taking me to some five-star resort is going to cure everything_ I thought, wishing that it would cure the pain in my heart.

"Aren't you curious about where we're going sweetie?" asked Mum.

"Where are we going?" I asked, more out of boredom then of any real interest.

"You'll see when we get there," said Father and that was the end of that.

After breakfast, I followed my parents out to our SUV and Father drove off toward the edge of town.

I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings, all I did was stare out the window dejectedly and remember the day I had first received Cobalt.

_ "When do I get my surprise?" I asked, as my parents led me with my eyes closed down one of the aisles in the stable. I knew we were in the stable at Pine Hollow because I could hear the sound of the horses that were kept in their stalls; I also recognized the smell of them._

_ "Soon sweetheart, just a few more inches," said Mum, as Daddy left my side and walked away._

_ "Everything ready?" he said in a low voice to someone I couldn't see._

_ "Ready whenever you are," came Red's voice._

Red? What's he doing here_ I asked myself, as Mum halted me in front of something._

_ "Can I open my eyes now?" I asked._

_ "Okay . . . you can open them," said Mum cheerfully._

_ I opened my eyes to see . . . "Oh wow, he's beautiful!" I exclaimed, looking at the magnificent horse in front of me. He was coal black with not even a hint of white anywhere on his body; he was a regal-looking Thoroughbred who looked to stand at sixteen hands._

_ "You like him then? His name is Cobalt," said Daddy. "And he's all yours."_

_ I gasped. "Really?" I asked, excitedly. A horse of my very own! All of the hard work of trying to persuade Daddy to buy me a horse had paid off. "Oh thank you Daddy!" I cried, hugging him and then turned to Mum and hugging her. "Thank you, Mum!"_

_ Mum chuckled. "You're welcome sweetheart," she said._

_ "Darling, why don't you take Cobalt here for a ride, huh?" asked Daddy, holding out my riding helmet._

_ I smiled and grabbed my riding helmet and buckled it onto my head, before taking hold of my horse's reins._

My horse, oh . . . it's even better than I had dreamed of_I thought, as I led Cobalt away from Red, without saying anything to the stable hand, and walked toward the indoor ring._

_ Once we reached the ring, I pulled the stirrups down, gathered my reins, slipped my left foot into the stirrup, and lifted myself onto Cobalt's back._

_ "Wow, he's a lot bigger than Princess was," I commented, as I quickly readjusted my stirrups and checked the girth._

_ "Well don't forget, Princess was only a pony," said Daddy._

_ I stroked my horse's neck. "Good boy," I whispered to him and gently tapped my heels against his sides, asking him to walk on._

_ Without even the slightest bit of hesitation, he stepped out into a graceful walk. If he was a king walking about his kingdom, I'd bet he would look even more regal than he did at the halt._

_ I spent the first fifteen minutes just warming him up, and getting used to the feel of being on a horse. _I'll bet he would do brilliantly in Dressage_I thought as I began asking him for some of the harder moves such as an extended walk._

_ He moved out into the longer gait, rocking his head from side-to-side and making his strides longer._

_ After a half-hour on the flat, I decided to take a chance and see what he was like going over jumps. Max had left out a course of low jumps for his next class and I decided to see how well Cobalt could take them._

_ "Come on boy, let's see how you are in jumping," I whispered to him._

_ When the first jump came into view, Cobalt pricked his ears at it and followed my cue to jump at the right moment._Oh thank God, I've not only got my wish, but I've also gotten my dream horse_ I wanted to shout out, but knew better than to do that here. Max would have a fit._

_ After we jumped the course in both directions, I cooled him out and then rode toward my parents who were both smiling._

_ "So . . . what do you think of him?" asked Daddy._

_ "Oh Daddy, he's an absolute dream, he's everything a horse should be and more!" I exclaimed, leaning forward and hugging my horse. "We're definitely going to go far!"_

I scoffed. _Yeah, we went far all right, he's dead and now I'll never get a chance to make it up to him_ I thought, fighting back the tears that were threatening to well up in my eyes.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
>But I'm doin' it<br>It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
>Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret<br>But I know if I could do it over  
>I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart<br>That I left unspoken_

_What hurts the most  
>Is being so close<br>And havin' so much to say  
>(Much to say)<br>And watchin' you walk away_

"By the way darling, guess what came in the mail yesterday?" asked Father, still smiling that ugly smile.

"What?" I asked, not really interested in anything he had to say.

He held out a slip of paper to me and I took it to read it.

It was a bank statement that said that fifty thousand dollars had been deposited into a checking account that was under my name.

"Where did this come from?" I asked. "I don't remember having a checking account. All I have is a trust fund."

"We know, we created it for you last week," said Mum. "It's so this way when you're able to ride again, you can spend it on what you need for your horse."

"And where did the money come from?" I asked, not sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

"Cobalt's insurance check came in last week," said Father. "It's about time you got over that stupid animal's death and look for a new horse to ride."

_Stupid animal . . . a new horse to ride . . . didn't they listen to a word I've said_ I asked myself angrily, feeling my face heat up in anger. "Cobalt wasn't a stupid animal, and I told you I don't want to own another horse until I feel as though I'm ready to own one!" I shouted.

"Veronica we've had this discussion I am not allowing you to ride those stable nags!" shouted Father. "You are a diAngelo so you had better start acting like one!"

"But that's how I'll become a champion rider, Father!" I said, wondering how this man could ever have been created. "If I ride the school horses Max has, I can learn to become a better rider!"

"Veronica you will do as you're told!" he snapped.

"Honey, maybe we should reconsider . . ." began Mum, but he interrupted her.

"Patricia we've discussed this!" he said. He looked at me in the rearview mirror. "Now we are going to a very reputable horse farm and you will pick out the best horse in the barn!"

I glared at him but didn't say anything as he drove out toward the country. _You can buy me a hundred horses, that doesn't mean I'm going to ride any of them until I'm ready_ I thought. _I'll talk to Max myself and tell him what I want to do, he'll stand by me._

Twenty minutes later, we reached the entrance to a large horse farm named, Dan's Stables. Underneath in bold letters were, "Thoroughbreds, Warmbloods, and Ponies, we've got the best Jumpers in the state of Virginia."

_Yeah right . . . and I'm the next Queen of England_ I said to myself, as Father drove into the parking lot and parked in the first spot available.

As we got out, a middle-aged man with short gray hair stepped out of the main building, which must be the office.

"Hello, I'm Dan Harding, welcome to my farm," he said, holding a hand out for my father to shake.

"Tom diAngelo, nice to meet you, we've talked on the phone a couple of days ago," said Father.

"Ah yes, about a horse for your daughter," replied Dan, taking a look at me. He glanced at my broken arm. "She'll have to be a good rider, my horses are bred to be competition horses, not school horses."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Father interrupted me.

"Of course she's the best rider of her class, she owned her own horse up until a few weeks ago," he said. "A riding accident, trainer's fault obviously, but the horse had to be put down."

_Stop blaming, Max!_

"Ah, it's been known to happen," said Dan, nodding sympathetically to me. "Well, anything in particular you have in mind."

"Well, she would love to own a stallion, but we're thinking of going with a Warmblood this time," said Father, again as I tried to open my mouth to speak.

_And never knowin'  
>What could've been<br>And not seein' that lovin' you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do,<br>Oh yeah_

"All right, well main majority of our stallions are not ready to be sold just yet, but we do have a couple of geldings that are ready to go to new homes," he said.

"Actually sir . . ." I began, when again Father interrupted me.

"Well, let's take a look at them then, who knows? We may actually find the perfect horse," he said.

Dan stared at us for a bit, possibly wondering what was really going on, but he didn't say anything. "All right then, if you all will follow me," he said and walked off toward the far barn on the left.

My parents followed him and I followed a few feet behind, wanting this to just be some sort of nightmare.

We entered the barn and the first thing I saw were the beautiful, sleek heads of Warmbloods, Arabians, Thoroughbreds, and Anglo-Arabians. They were well taken care of and obviously were ready for the 'A' level circuit.

Dan led us to one stall that held a blue-roan Warmblood gelding that looked to stand at seventeen hands high. His gold nameplate read, "Indigo Sky (Indigo)".

"This here is Indigo, he's a registered Dutch Warmblood gelding, and he's trained in both Hunter/Jumpers and in Show Jumping," explained Dan.

I took a look at Indigo and already found the one fault that would keep us from being a compatible match. "I'm sorry, but he's too tall for me to handle," I replied.

Dan nodded, but my father looked at me with a look of scrutiny. "All right, well how about this one; his name is Firefly's Light, or Firefly as we call him. He's a Trakehner gelding that does well in the Equitation ring as well as in Show Jumping," he said, leading us to another stall.

I looked at him, but I couldn't find anything wrong with him. He was a bright chestnut Trakehner gelding with a bald face, four coronets, and looked to stand at sixteen hands high. _He's beautiful_ I thought. _But I'm not ready to own a horse._

"Well what do you think darling?" asked Mum.

"He's okay . . . I guess," I replied, wishing that the situation was different and that I was either buying my first horse or buying a second horse.

Dan seemed to notice the hidden meaning in my words, because he sighed. "Miss diAngelo . . . I don't mean to be rude but . . . are you willing to buy a horse? Or is there something going on here that I am not aware of?" he asked.

I opened my mouth but Father interrupted me.

"Of course she's wanting to buy a horse! She's . . ." began Father, but Dan held up a hand to stop him.

"Excuse me, but I'm asking your daughter," said Dan. "She's the one who will be riding and taking care of the horse, sir. Not you or your wife. Miss diAngelo?"

I knew what my father wanted me to say. That I wanted to buy a horse because I refuse to ride the school horses that Max owned. But . . . I couldn't keep lying to make him feel better. I took a deep breathe. "I'm sorry we've wasted your time sir but . . . I'm not ready to own a horse just yet. It was because of my recklessness that my first horse died and . . . my plan is, when I get better, I want to ride the school horses that my trainer has so that I can get better at my riding," I replied, looking Dan in the eye.

My father scoffed and my mother just sighed sadly. "Dan, please, reason with her that riding those stable nags won't make her a better rider and . . ." he began, turning pleading eyes to Dan.

"Actually Mr. diAngelo, riding school horses, or stable nags as you call them, is very beneficial to young riders," said Dan. "I myself started off riding my instructor's school horses and I didn't own my first horse until I was sixteen." He looked at me and gently squeezed my shoulder. "I believe your daughter will become a champion rider one day, but I will not sell a horse to a rider who does not think they're ready for a horse of their own. It's dangerous for both the horse and the rider, and it will never have good results in the end."

I smiled the first smiled I've ever felt on my face in weeks. "Thank you," I replied.

"You're welcome and I hope one day you will come back and find a good horse for yourself," he said.

"Come on!" shouted Father and stormed out of the barn with Mum following him. "Veronica!"

I followed reluctantly, not really wanting to have the conversation that was sure to follow.

True enough, as soon as we pulled away from the horse farm, Father began ranting about how disrespectful I had behaved.

"Didn't we tell you a hundred times to always do what you're told?" he asked, angrily.

"Well maybe this time I decided to do what was good for me," I replied calmly, feeling happy at having done something on my own for once.

"We have always had your best interests at heart, Veronica! What makes you think . . ." began Father, but I interrupted him.

"Because you're stupid and ignorant!" I screamed angrily. "You think you're always right, but you're not! You raised me to be ignorant about my faults and to place the blame on everyone else but myself! It's MY fault Cobalt's dead! It's MY fault that he broke his leg and had to be put down! Max taught me everything there was to know how to ride but I ignored all of his warnings about going too fast while jumping and now Cobalt's dead!"

Silence rang in the car. I was fuming and angry, my father was working his jaw, and my mother kept glancing worriedly in the rearview mirror.

_What hurts the most  
>Was being so close<br>And havin' so much to say (Much to say)_

_And watchin' you walk away_

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and I quickly unbuckled my seat belt, opened my car door, and jumped out of the vehicle as Father slowed it down.

"Veronica, get back in the car this instant!" he yelled.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted, quickly walking away from him. I didn't hear anything else that was said, I just kept on walking.

I didn't know where I was going, but . . . anywhere was better than back in that car or back in that house. _Why can't they just for once shut up and listen to me_ I asked myself, as I kept walking.

My feet seemed to have a mind of their own, even though I didn't see where I was going; but, the next thing I knew, I was in the pasture that they had planted Cobalt's tree. I don't know what made me do it but, the sight of that tree had me running toward it and, I fell to my knees at its base, crying.

"Cobalt I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to your needs," I cried. "You told me to slow down and you tried to warn me that you couldn't jump the fence but . . . I didn't listen! I'm so sorry!"

Nothing answered except for a light breathe of wind on my face.

_And never knowin'  
>What could've been<br>And not seein' that lovin' you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do<em>

_ Please Cobalt . . . forgive me._

_Not seein' that lovin' you  
>That's what I was trying to do, ooo<em>


End file.
